I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
