i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
