Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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