dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
