whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
