I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
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the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
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I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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