i permit you to call me
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
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Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize