btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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