How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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