Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
