my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
