she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize