i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
