That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
