so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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