Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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