nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
