I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We left an ass print on the piano.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
