my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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