Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
