Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
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I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
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Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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