she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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