before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
