Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
