"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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