So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
