Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
