Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
