Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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