Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Terrible idea I love it
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
