sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
