I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize