I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
