I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
