Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
