I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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