Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just forgot I was standing up.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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