Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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