I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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