Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
