he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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