i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Randomize
