The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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