I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I need moral support for this bender
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
