My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize