Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
