You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
