Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
