i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Watching her eat just hurts me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
