Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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