did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
