I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
