Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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