he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
