no, he came in my armpit
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
