nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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