hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Can I color on your dick again?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
