guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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