There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
