I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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