Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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