I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's rum buckets o'clock
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
