i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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