College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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