Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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